Monday, May 30, 2011

Memorial Day Memories

Photo Title: The answer is Yes, or I Don't Know. What is the Question? (Below)

The former post is called Mother's Day Meanderings, and is the documentation of my relationship with my own mother, though not complete, and the telling of a story of sexual abuse and the loss of family, again not complete.

Though the man my mother married harmed my children and siblings with sexual abuse, and perhaps other grandchildren, or whomever he had access to, as sexual abusers are opportunists, and are wired to be aroused by children from their own victimization, I saw a Facebook posting from a sister and a comment from another, as if nothing ever happened. His WWII picture was posted to FB.

Though marrying this man was like letting in a wolf to the lambs, (most of my nine siblings were still at home) and he destroyed my family of origin and fractured my children's lives, there is no concerted attempt to discuss this, offer apologies, make any amends, or move forward. I have not heard from any 'family' member, anywhere, since my last posting. This is not going away. Anyone discussing this is ignored or made to feel unwelcome or somehow tainted or bitter, as the majority continue their various Mormon or Christian patterns, minus honesty.

When my father was alive, he told me my mother was molested by her mother's boyfriend, Mike, and that it was a famous case in her town. Her mother blamed her, and she was sent to a sister's house, where she was again unwelcome, according to my father's account, as her sister felt threatened that my beautiful black-haired mother would somehow seduce her husband. My mother ended up in San Antonio, Texas, staying with a brother in the military. It was there she met my father.

My father spoke of a teacher using him sexually. A friend today mentioned a nurse molesting him when he was a young teen, hooked up to tubes in a hospital bed. Another friend disclosed how a coach had touched him, and how angry he had been for years, not knowing how to deal with this.

Sexual abuse is prevalent, and just as damaging to both sexes. Today, for the first time, one of the above friends realized that his sexual arousal patterns had formed around his first sexual experience, and that the normal responses that would have developed from his own innocence and birthright, were hijacked. There is nothing mild or worthy of stifling or dishonesty when it comes to violations of children.

My sweet sister who was molested by my youngest brother and also the very man she holds up on Facebook as her 'father', was wakened sexually, and 'shared' this with some of my children, as did this 'father' figure married to my mother spoken of in this and the previous posting, my youngest brother, and most likely, because of a string of events and history, their own father. The ripples in the pond are wide, and ever-reaching.

My youngest sister, who has not ever admitted what she did to my children, carries a burden that she should never have had to carry. She does have an opportunity to make it right, to the best of her ability, as does anyone who has fallen in these patterns from their own victimization. On her Facebook page, the following quotes are shared, which are very appropriate for this entire subject.

"Hope is not a strategy."

"It does not require a majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority keen to set brush fires in people's minds"

I will include in my book any progress or contact from my family of origin or others that come forward. The damage is so reaching to our entire country and world, that being persistent is a worthy cause. I have a desire to see healing in this area of life. Our prisons are not doing the job, our court systems fail us, even the 'treatment' for offenders is lacking and archaic. It is going to take those severely impacted, with insight and a spiritual approach to make a difference in this field of misery.
I heard appropriate questions on a short video yesterday:

If not now, When?

If not you.  Who?

My best....Pamela Cohen 

**Answer to the First Question, Above: 
What is the Question?
Have you ever been sexually abused?
Most have to look at what their first sexual experience was, to be able to answer this.

Questions? Contact us at

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