Saturday, December 15, 2012

Resolving Bone Spurs, Arthritis, Back Pain/Sciatica... The Why and How. Success Stories.

1.Bone Spur/Back Pain/Sciatica Help

Please feel free to glean from these stories what you can, for the problems mentioned above. These are testimonials from people who had bone spurs, arthritis and back and sciatica pain, and what they did to get relief. They used Shaklee products.

 I have used them also, starting with my third pregnancy. My body absorbed them so well, the doctors were astounded at the healthy baby, placenta and cord. My experience was 180 degrees different than when I used the synthetic prenatal vitamins with my first two babies. Over the years I quit using Shaklee, not paying attention or putting myself and my health first. After years of single parenting stress, I was diagnosed with endocervical cancer. It was changing my diet, research and going back to focused supplementation with Shaklee that helped me regain my health and live, though I had no prognosis. I don't want to preach about it, but there are many technical reasons that I choose this little 50+ yr. old Company when it comes to healing with nutrition.

In the article above, it's pointed out that supposed bone-strengthening medications actually reverse after taken for a time. At the end of this article, several nurses point out their bone density tests just get better each time, and they're taking Shaklee's Osteomatrix calcium.

Here is a collection of testimonials from real people....

It works!  At the end of three weeks of taking the calcium/magnesium/vitamin D tablets three times daily, I am walking without pain. I am now using one dose daily (4 tabs) as maintenance and so far I have had no return of the excruciating pain of the heel spur.

Thanks for the info.. My doctor is using me for a guinea pig and has all the information that came with my order. Thankfully, he is open to valid alternative methods. Hopefully, other of his patients can benefit from your product. Thanks again and God bless.
 > >

RE : heel spur and Calcium Magnesium tablets

Here is a brief summary of my heel spur problem and you certainly
have my permission to post it if you wish:

I am 63 Years old now and have been retired since Sept. 1994. At that time I had had a sore right heel for a couple of years and doctors could not find any good solution to get rid of my right heel spur problem.
They suggested special soles to add in my shoes, etc.. At my retirement time, my pain in my right heel got worse. I had difficulty  walking in the morning. The worst of the pain normally went away after an hour or so after I got up. This is the time I decided to obtain more information about heel spur on the Internet. Due to my inexperience with Internet, it took me a little while before I found your site Barbara. The information that you have passed to me opened my eyes and the way It was presented
 (no pressure of any kind, etc) really convinced me to try these Calcium Magnesium tablets. I ordered 2 bottles the first time and after I took one serving (4 tablets) at each meal, it cleared most of my problem.

 However, to ensure that it would not come back I ordered two more bottles and I completed taking them in the same manner. The results I would say cleared 95% of my original right heel spur problem. There is still a little bit of pain once in a while, but not in the morning and I can live with that. I'll see, if does get worse I will not hesitate to order more of these tablets. It is unfortunate that Doctors do not recommend them,  It is so easy to take and no operation, no recovery time, etc. I was going to explain this to my own doctor, however he just retired before I had a chance to do it. But I will discuss it with my new doctor in due course.

  The conclusion: It is almost a miracle compared to what doctors recommend.
There are certainly exceptions where Doctors have to intervene, but I would recommend to try these first if results of tests indicate that it is a heel spur problem. I have already recommended them to other people and the feedback I get is that it helped them as well.

 Gaston Boucher

Hi Fred.

 Thank you for the information that you have sent to me. You asked me how long it took for the pain in my heel to go away. I would say about two months, taking twelve tabs a day of the calcium. I had ultrasound treatments done which gave me little or no relief. I also went to a Podiatrist, who suggested I have orthotics made for my shoe, which would cost me four hundred dollars. Another Podiatrist said to forget the orthotics, taped up my  foot and gave me exercises to do. Needless to say,

 I am so happy with the results of taking the calcium. I am supposed to be taking calcium anyway, so I'm killing two birds with one stone.

 Thanks again,

 Paula Michel

My mother-in-law has (had) bone spurs on her spine along with
arthritis, diabetes, and degenerative disks. She was in extreme pain and went to many specialists. She received cortisone shots which helped temporarily, but the pain would always return. She was using a walker and was headed for a wheelchair. When the doctors told her that there was nothing else they could do for her, she FINALLY took my advice of 9 cal mag a day (3 -3 times a day) and with in a couple of weeks her pain was completely
 She also went to therapy, to regain them didn't need it anymore and the pain returned. In addition to remaining pain free, thanks to the cal mag, she has increased her bone density. I know this because, on several occasions, she has lost her balance and fallen in the kitchen on the ceramic floor. She never had any breaks or any bruises. She is 76.
Hope this helps

 Anne and Doug Siloy/Berea, Ohio

Here is the testimonial I promised to send you, sorry for the length,
 but we send our testimonials unedited and with the sender'spermission.-Barbara

 Bone Spur Testimony 6-8-98

Anybody who is diagnosed with a bone spur problem, also anybody who has back or sciatic pain that doesn't respond to physical therapy may be helped by this letter. I have had occasional back problems for most of my adult life. (I'm in my fifties.) I could go months or even years without

 a problem, then I'd bend down to feed the dog (or do something
 similar)and my back would go out, causing me months of pain and/or discomfort.
 During one of those periods 20 or so years ago I went to a doctor who gave me a series of back strengthening exercises. I'm not very exercise-oriented but I would do them occasionally, mostly after a minor back-pain incident, and they seemed to speed up the healing process. One of the exercises on the chart was not recommended for people with sciatic pain.
 I was unable to do this exercise, making it obvious that I had some
kind of sciatic sensitivity in addition to my weak back. (Sciatic pain is a pain that runs down the back of your leg.) In thinking back, I had always had at least a minor discomfort that ran from my buttocks and down my thigh. I just never thought much about it until a year or so ago when it flared up and became more persistent and painful. This seemed to be full-blown sciatica, unrelated to my back- (or so I thought). My current doctor sent me to a physical therapist, but after weeks of trying various things, the sciatic discomfort just kept getting worse. It was difficult finding a position to stand in or to sit in to relieve the pain. I
 discovered that straight back chairs were my best bet for taking the pressure off the sciatic nerve (or whatever was causing this pain) soI went out and bought a bunch of used old wooden straight back chairs, one for every room in the house. I was walking in a weird, ultra upright position in order to minimize the pain. Finally the physical therapist realized that nothing she could do was helping me and she recommended several back specialists, one of which I went to. The new doctor ran me through some tests and concluded that I probably had a pinched nerve or a spinal bone spur that had caused a nerve to become inflamed. This was
 the first time I had heard the term bone spur.  She put me on a regular regimen of super-sized ibuprofen to relieve the inflammation and she sent me to another physical therapist who was going to try to come up with an exercise that might possibly take the stress off the problem area, allowing the inflammation to go away. I was told that this whole process sometimes worked and sometimes didn't. On my own I did some research into bone spurs and learned some interesting things. It appears that the body needs a lot more calcium than most people think. Calcium is not just for
 strong bones and health teeth and all those things we think in terms of.
EVERY function of the human body requires calcium, and when there's not enough calcium to go around, the body will sometimes leech it out of our bones.   This is what causes bone spurs to occur...little bumps or protrusions in certain bones. Typically, we don't notice these eruptions unless they're in a place that impedes us in some way, like on the heel.
 But they can occur anywhere, even on the spine, where we have thousands (millions? I'm not a doctor) of nerves threading through a series of very narrow openings. If a bone spur erupts in one of those tiny spaces you get a pinched nerve, and depending on where that nerve runs, you'll have pain that won't necessarily be localized along your spine or your lower back. It can run down your leg, as in sciatic pain. Or it can even manifest itself in other areas. Now, I didn't think that this was my problem. I've always taken a lot of vitamins, and since I consume hardly any dairy products, I would often chew on Tums (or one of those calcium rich mints). This is getting to be a very long letter so I'll cut to the chase. Weeks more of physical therapy and an expensive M.R.I. confirmed my doctor's theory. I had a bone spur AND a pinched nerve on either side
 of continued one of those little spinal conduits.
 MEANWHILE...after reading about bone spurs...learning about how properly absorbed calcium can conceivably reduce or even melt away bone spurs...and coming upon a testimonial letter on the internet (similar to this one but, mercifully, much shorter) recommending a particular calcium/magnesium formula made by Shaklee, I put myself on a calcium/magnesium regimen as recommended by the Shaklee distributor.
 (Sounds strange, but I was desperate,  physical therapy was getting me nowhere. My doctor's conclusion: operate or learn to live with it.) I was taking 16 pills a day, every day, and after around 45 days I began to feel results. At this point I had once again given up on physical therapy.
 Also, I found I could ease up on the ibuprofen. After that things
happened rather quickly. After 60 days of the calcium magnesium therapy I was dramatically improved. After 120 days I'd say that I was back to normal, but that would be an understatement. The mild sciatica that I'd had my entire life was gone Today I take 3 pills with each meal...9 a day...and I haven't had a new back incident since. A few caveats. Calcium is not easily absorbed by the body. The type of calcium used by Shaklee (dicalcium phosphate...a form of calcium I haven't seen in any other supplement) in combination with the other ingredients in the Shaklee pills (magnesium oxide and vitamin D) is apparently more useful to the body than other calcium formulations on the market. After what it did for me I would not use or recommend anything else. That's my story.

 Dear Rose, Fred and Viola

Our tax counselor had noticed my limping as I walked into his office and inquired about it. I explained that I had surgery several weeks earlier on a heel spur. Both of my heels had painful spurs, but I decided to have only one taken care of at a time. However, the surgery increased the pain in the foot operated on dramatically. This tax counselor then began to counsel me on a certain Calcium which had done the most amazing things for him. This exceptional product was only distributed by the Shaklee Corporation. I asked if he still takes it and his reply was, I'm afraid not to take it. Upon arriving home, without even removing my coat, I reached for the yellow pages and called your number. You have indeed proved exemplary representatives for the Shaklee Corporation-a great
 corporation that distributes truly wonderful products. I'm so glad I made that call because you have become more like friends. A remarkable thing happened. The pain in my heels made walking difficult. I canceled every outing I possibly could. I sat with pillows under my legs, even usingthem at night so my heels did not touch the sheets. Because even touching my skin made them hurt. But, astonishingly, by the time I had taken only half of my second bottle of Shaklee Calcium Magnesium, my husband and I were going dancing again. It was wonderful. Both feet were perfectly pain free after a year and a half of constant pain. Not just the one that had been operated on. If that had been the case, I would
 have thought it was the natural consequence of the operation itself. But,both feet were equally pain free and amazingly both at the same identical time.  Proving the tremendous benefit Shaklee Calcium can produce.

 That was two years ago. Like people sometimes do, I occasionally
become too busy to remember to take my Shaklee Calcium regularly. When that became too frequent I started limping because of the return of pain in the heel that was not operated on. As soon as I took my Shaklee Calcium for a few days the pain left totally. Do I take it regularly now? I'll tell you like someone once told me - I'm afraid not to take it.


 Dolores Arpidone

 Broadview Heights, Ohio


Not all calciums are created equal.  This is how people get rid of bone 
spurs, too


Willa Virkler not only has Osteo-Arthritis but also a calcium deposit
on a vertebrae which is closing off 1/2 of the opening that the nerves
go through. The nerves are pinched leading to her shoulder and down
her arm, creating severe pain. She was taking Motrin several times daily
to help control the pain whenever she turned her head.

The doctor wanted to surgically remove the calcium deposit and said,
"take no calcium"

Willa decided to try some Shaklee and she started on the whole program
with a special emphasis on calcium to try to dissolve her calcium deposits.
Just 4 days later she bubbled, "I don't have any pain in my shoulder or
arm -- Oh, a little bit maybe if I turn too quickly, but not enough to
bother.  In fact, I haven't taken any pain pills recently."

Willa works in the pharmacy of the St. James Hospital in Pontiac.
Noticing that she was moving better, the pharmacist asked what she
was doing. "I'm not going to tell you," she replied. "Because you are a
pharmacist and you're just like my doctor. "He persisted in knowing
and after promising not to laugh, she told him she was taking Shaklee

When she went back to her doctor for a checkup he wanted to know
what she had been doing for he noticed a big improvement. She told
him she was taking Shaklee supplements. He reminded her that he had
told her not to take extra calcium. Willa told him Shaklee's was dicalcium
phosphate to which he replied, "Oh, that's O.K. then!"

She still takes 10 Vita-Cal and 10 Calcium Magnesium a day and  she
needs 8 Alfalfa with each meal and at bed time. Willa isn't even considering
surgery any more!

Questions? Contact us at

Friday, December 7, 2012

Making a Great Apple Pie..

This morning I woke up with the resolve to try bending over to let the blood circulate to my head and brush my hair and massage my scalp for 5 minutes, (next time before bed so the oils work to condition hair during sleep) then bend over with a hot washcloth and massage my face. My 86? -year old part-French old-time logger friend whom I had dinner with last night said his wife scrubbed the heck out of her face like that each morning, and had no wrinkles when she died in her 70's. Well, apparently I missed the boat, as I have wrinkles.  Genetics and sun and stress might be part of that, but I thought it would be a great experiment. Not to be disrespectful, but I pause, because it could also be that as we are displayed in a casket, the skin has receded smoothly with gravity, and we tend to put our loved ones on a pedestal.  My friend has a great memory, of course while she was living, so it's worth noting and experimenting

Even though I've heard not to tug on your fragile under-eye skin, I wanted to try this carefully as an exfoliation and stimulation exercise. If I end up looking like a bulldog, oh well. Somehow just disciplining my partially-retired self into a routine might be beneficial.  I already feel the circulation in my face. Resolve. Habits. Results. Diversions.

As I gave myself 5 minutes to check my emails and the news --with a timer, to keep myself on track, as I was up like a night owl last night and I have much to do, I found myself wanting to share the article from Jon Rappaport you'll find in the next posting. That led to free associating. When I think of leaving a record and history for my children, and how important it might be for them to know the real 'Mom', or how possibly someone might benefit from my sharing, the fact that I have totally busted my schedule today is all right. If I keep wrecking my schedule, of course, it might lead to an earlier demise, as I put my walk off again.  Exercise now has to be done in the rain, unless I escape to go dancing today. My friend last night reminded me that I should 'circulate' in more ways than one.

The 55 and older mobile court that I live in at present has a doughnuts and coffee gathering at their 'rec' center each Friday morning. The coffee is gruesome, not organic, (I don't need the splash of pesticides, fungicides, synthetic fertilizers and insecticides-nor the conscience that for my ignorance and consumer demand, many indigenous children are dying of cancer and birth defects from the aerial and ground spraying of coffee crops-- inhaled and in their ground water) ...and I'm not sure I can afford one more bit of sugar this week (lol).

 I have to find 'Red', the manager's girlfriend later, anyway, to give her the piece of apple pie that I promised her would be in the fridge last night. I had a dinner invitation, and I didn't get home till late, so she didn't find it there. It was just as well, so she could get to bed with that cold she's fighting, without my caramel/apple pie experiment. Sugar before bed is especially hard on the immune system. The 2 garlic and 2 vitamin C capsules I gave her yesterday to take in the morning along with a Grapefruit Seed Extract capsule (one of Nature's antibiotics) with another couple of garlic and c for bedtime hopefully will help her kick her respiratory infection. I guess unsolicited advice about the cigarette smoke and sinus infections that go into the chest --to go along with the pie, might have to be tabled, as we've already gone there as 'sisters'.

Just a note, as I focus back on that apple pie discussion (you'll be glad I did) I had the best prepared piece of Halibut I've ever tasted at Chan's Steakery last night. It was moist, tender, buttery glazed and just lightly seasoned and wonderful! Later my friend and I had a piece of the caramel apple pie variation (that I brought with me) with some whipped cream. It was outstanding. My friend said I could come cook for him any time. ;-}

 Chan's Steakery for those who live in Oregon: (The food is great, and they serve large portions -for those lunch-time leftovers)
10477 Southeast Main Street, Milwaukie, OR 97222
(503) 653-2709 )*************

I shared pieces of apple pie with about half a dozen friends and neighbors a day or so ago. When I was at a good friend's house last week, I put together a pie in his glass pie plate, from memory. It was the best apple pie I think I've ever eaten. I know, you probably think dementia might be setting in, and I just don't remember the other ones I've eaten, but really, it was an awakening. I have never really cared a lot for apple pie, but made with less sugar, using brown sugar, and just cinnamon for spice, gives you a home made taste you will salivate for. I promise.

I used:
Crust: 2 c. white flour, 1 tsp. salt, 2/3 c. plus a little shortening, it made a flakier crust that I loved. Experiment...-cut in to about pea size and add 1/2 c. cold water. Mix as little as possible, into a ball. Roll out in your circle to fit your pie pan size. 9" or less. The left overs can be made into pinwheels, rolled into a rectangle, with a bit of butter, cinnamon, brown sugar and a drizzle of corn syrup if desired, and baked after the pie, at about 425 to 450 degrees 5-8 min? Watch closely. The sugar makes them burn easily. They'll disappear.

Back to...the Filling:
In a large bowl, mix 1/4 c. flour, 1/4 c. white sugar  and 1/2 c. brown sugar, 1/4 tsp. of salt, 1 tsp. cinnamon. Sprinkle the apples(4-5 cups) w/ 1-2 T. lemon juice-freshly squeezed preferably. But, if you don't have the lemon, don't worry. A lime would work, also.
I washed, peeled, cored and cut two varieties of apples I had, quartering each quarter, and halving the slices. I think they were Jonagolds and a few big ...? Macintosh. Personal preference. I like mixing different kinds. About 5-6 cups. Mix and make the crust.

Halve the ball of pastry. (Recipe makes 2 crusts) Roll out pastry, put in pie plate, trim to 1/2" outside plate and fill w/ apples. Dot w/ 2 generous Tbsp's of butter. Cover w/ another rolled out pastry circle, and trim edges to 1/2" or so. Fold and seal, and either flute or press w/ a fork. I put a smiley face or decoration for slits to let the steam out. The seeping, bubbling apple cinnamon liquid will let you know it's done, along w/ the golden brown color of the crust. Bake at 400 degrees for 10 min to brown the top, then 350 for 35-45 min. Keep an eye out. All ovens and altitudes vary.

Caramels quartered (handful) and sprinkled w/ the butter will give a different flavor, of course. Whipping cream or ice cream or med-sharp cheddar cheese melted on top of the plain recipe of apple pie is simply....BELLISSIMO. I use Tillamook cheese as they promise they don't add growth hormones to their product. (Think growth stimulators-cancer cells, early maturation, prostate, etc. ) Taking care of ourselves these days is a full time job itself, but worth avoiding being disabled by cancer or some disease. My friend Roy likes Nancy's Plain or Honey Yogurt on his pie.

Questions? Contact us at


When I was a young girl, I decided I should be a doctor. I had all kinds of abilities that stood out like a sore thumb. When I opened my mouth, my classmates seemed to withdraw, and I was usually alone. Perhaps it was my vocabulary, as my father instilled in all of us the love and necessity of reading. He'd take us to the public libraries, and I dreamed of reading all the books on the shelves. We'd take stacks of books home every time. My father was a proud dad. Because as a young boy, he had frequented the Benjamin Franklin Public Library in Philadelphia, (he said it was the first free public library), and he often read the Thesaurus, people would cower away when he spoke, as he set another standard altogether of learning the language.

It seems, as I reflected on my peer experience when I was older, that it might be because my classmates compared themselves with me, thought they were lacking and left me in the dust. It didn't help that I could beat everyone except two boys in racing, tore it up in tetherball, won Spelling Bees, jacks tournaments, jumped the furthest in broad jump, even though I was the shortest in the class, etc.

 Reading had developed parts of my brain and intellect. At the same time, I felt strongly that I didn't like being a leader, having people look at me like I was better than them, because I knew inside as a truth, that all of us are equal in value, and nobody should give away any of their own dignity and self esteem. Everyone has unique gifts and talents, which need to be recognized and developed.  I sometimes felt very impatient because of the condition of the human race, starting with my peers. My home life was a horror, and the only peace I felt was in withdrawing creatively or noticing the details and beauty of nature.

Just to be clear here, I believe we are merely to use our talents and abilities to make the world better than we found it, and to share love and kindness with each other. Sometimes to make change, we have to become fierce warriors and speak our truth, regardless of the storms that come. The idea of a 'chosen people', for instance has always bothered me. I am half Russian Jew, which people are known for their cognitive abilities. I am also unacknowledged by Jewish tradition as belonging, because my Welsh/English/Pennsylvania Deutsch mother was not Jewish. Since my own family has disowned me because I am not Mormon, and because they are afraid of the truth and their part in the harming of my children and my life, I am one of those lone travelers. There must be some purpose for me in the lessons that are forged in this type of agony and disappointment in one's own blood.

My Jewish father was proud of his children, and wanted to have a dozen, for the twelve tribes of Israel. He used to infer that we were superior to others, because of our genetics. At the same time, his treatment of my mother and us in general, led my sibs and I to think we would never be good enough. His loud screaming, etc. often made me feel ashamed, shocked and embarrassed. With my brown eyes and my mother's disregard, I was convinced I was merely adopted, or they got the wrong one from the hospital. My father tried to hurt me one day while I took care of him as an elderly man, telling me I was not his child. It may have been when I set some boundary he didn't like, told him his behavior was unacceptable, etc., but I remember laughing and telling him -"I'm sorry, dad, but all you have to do is look at your nose and mine."

I think I was fiercely competitive because of the lack of love I felt from my mother, and the violence I witnessed in the home from my father. He favored me from the time I was born, naming me without consulting my mother, etc., and isolated me in the ensuing triangulation. It was as if I had to prove that I was all right when I was young, by my accomplishments. I kept looking for signals for what gave me approval or worth. I had to seek for those answers as I matured.

At the same time, I saw the same bully behavior in my classmates as I saw at home from my father. I would withdraw in horror. I was a sensitive young child, and wrote poetry, walked the woods of Spokane, Washington by myself and home from school by myself, even though I was the second child of ten. At school, I was seen as a leader I guess, being chosen because of my athletic abilities to be the Softball Captain, the fill-in during lunch hour for the nurse and secretary (and paid a handful of candy bars at the close of my 6th grade school year as my annual wage), etc. My 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Thomas, one day stopped at my desk, as I was done with her test quickly, waiting for everyone else. "Are you bored?", she asked, with this less than friendly look that made me cringe, and feel almost embarrassed that I certainly might be.

Because of the unkindness I saw among my classmates, bullying those who were seen as 'fat', or Binet's (as the mentally challenged kids were called in those days in the 1960's), I eventually became enraged, and would verbally defend those children, stepping forward with my little frame, until the bullies receded in shame. My next youngest sister told me several years ago that a woman whom she recognized as a school mate, asked about me, remembering how I had stood up for her as an overweight little girl. Somehow that Warrior self emerged, for better or worse. Perhaps it is no surprise that later in life I chose to get my Masters in Social Work which is merely an Advocate for Social Justice.

I sat down to share an illuminating article from Jon Rappaport. The preceding association was what was birthed. Perhaps you will see yourself, or know me better, or realize something for your own life. It is my firm belief, that in sharing our own truth, we not only hear ourselves and make a written record of history, (instead of having it bastardized) but we allow others to learn from our experience and mistakes. It is my strong conviction that being transparent and open is a gift to our fellow man. Why should we all have to learn from mistakes, when we can learn from the path and mistakes and triumphs of others?

I told my grandson Joe last week, that I got tired of making A's and A+'s, and wanted to see what it felt to make a C. The last quarter of my Bachelor's degree, I was taking seven classes just to get out of school, which I saw as a bit frustrating and political at times. I was a little crispy on the edges, burned out, raising the remainder of my 7 children, and when my poor strained eyes finished the last written Final exam, I didn't want to see another written word for a long time. There was a class that I thought was a waste of time, and the book was boring to me. Something had to go, and so I allowed myself to do little there, and made a C. Maybe it was for my own experience and schooling. The perfectionism of my father's culture was something I also wanted to shed. It led to a lot of unhappiness.

My life seemed to derail a bit when I married at 17 to escape a 28- yr. old boyfriend whom I didn't want to marry, marrying instead someone I thought my mother and current way of life would approve of, and to escape the violence and sadness of my home life. I never felt any support or a foggy idea of how to proceed to get into college, as a young woman. My mother and I really had no communication or relationship, and my father was gone most of the time. I would have never fit in with medicine, mainly because I think for myself, and question everything, so the tradition of ignoring nutrition and parasites, for example may have made me very unpopular then, or questioning the origin or findings of corporate 'scientific studies', or perhaps countless other accepted practices and procedures. Pioneers of thought that change our world usually think for themselves as iconoclasts.

Going against the mainstream thought to help humankind advance can be a rough road, as humans fight change and advancement, holding onto what they know. Who wants to admit they're wrong in medicine, and have harmed or killed hundreds or thousands, like millions of false test results creating unnecessary breast cancer surgeries?  The unethical drive for money-for status, paying off school loans, overhead or equipment, false superiority, liaison with pharmaceuticals, etc. wouldn't have fit me. It would have 'grated on my aura'. Whether it's the psychiatric 'treatment' field, oncology, etc., we are only an inch from the cave, in my opinion. Many times the knowledge needed is squashed, dismissed, cheated, maligned etc. for humans to save face or continue to profit from human ignorance and lazy trusting without personal research or accountability. Most simply don't have the ability, resources, or time to do less than blindly trust their medical personnel.

Of course, you can read about why I also didn't fit in with my Social work field in most agencies (, ABOUT section) if you wish. I am still searching for my niche, where I will feel welcome and my talents can develop and flourish while I serve my fellow man. Earning a decent living would be nice at some point. I've had a strange path.

Now after this rambling, I want to share one of the best articles I've seen on Medical Mistakes and Intention. I hope you enjoy it. Instead of sharing a link, I'll paste it below. Jon Rappaport is the author. You can subscribe to his newsletter. He has been an investigative reporter (something I relate to very much) for 30+ years, with awards and recognition for his work.

Eight quotes from a cancer surgeon that will set your hair on fire

by Jon Rappoport
December 6, 2012

His name is Marty Makary. He's a cancer surgeon and researcher at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine and the School of Public Health.

Propublica's Marshall Allen interviewed him about patient harm, in conjunction with an ongoing propublica investigation.

Keep in mind that these quotes are coming from a mainstream doctor who is inside the system and who believes in the system. That makes Makary's statements all the more shocking.

"...1 in 4 hospital patients are harmed by a mistake."

"A cardiologist in Wisconsin was fired for pointing out that EKGs were misread more than 25% of the time."

"We [doctors] are also evaluated by the number of 'value units' at the end of each fiscal quarter. Our management will sit down with us and say your work units are down or up and in order for you to receive a large bonus you need to increase the number of operations you do..."

"There is New England Journal of Medicine-level data that suggests that almost half of [health] care is not compliant with evidence." [In other words, almost 50% of all health care in America isn't even based on published mainstream studies...and, I should add, there is conclusive evidence that half of these studies are untrustworthy in the first place. Therefore, to say that conventional doctors are winging it is a vast understatement. JR]

"...up to 30% of health care in unnecessary..."

"I saw cases where a patient was not told about a minimally invasive way of doing a particular surgery because of physician preference or training, and the doctor would just hope the that he [the patient] wouldn't find out."

"Medical mistakes are fifth-or-sixth-most common cause of death in the United States, depending on the measure."

"...The desire and reflex of docs to offer something to patients, even when there's not much more else they can offer. There's a strong financial incentive. Doctor groups pay for new equipment that they purchase on borrowed money." [In other words, 'we have this expensive equipment, we have to use it to pay for it.' JR]

Since Dr. Makary works at Johns Hopkins, he is no doubt familiar with a landmark review done by the late Dr. Barbara Starfield, who also worked at Hopkins for many years.

On July 26, 2000, the Journal of the American Medical Association published Starfield's review, "Is US health really the best in the world?" Starfield revealed the following facts:

In the US, the annual death rate, as a direct result of medical treatment, is 225,000 people. Of those, 106,000 are killed by FDA-approved pharmaceutical drugs. The other 119,000 are killed by medical mistreatment in hospitals. This makes medically caused death the third leading cause of mortality in America.

In 2009, I interviewed Dr. Starfield.

She assured me that, since the publication of her review in 2000, no federal agency had contacted her to ask for help in fixing this unconscionable horror, and no agency had undertaken a significant program to reverse the third leading cause of death in the US.

Aside from the medically caused death rate, there is medical maiming. In 2001, the LA Times published a shocking article by Linda Marsa.

The article revealed that, in addition to the deaths, 2.1 million more people were admitted to US hospitals every year, as a result of severe reactions to pharmaceutical drugs. And, every year, there were 36 million adverse drug reactions in America.

Those people who support the onset of Obamacare might reflect on all these things. With millions of new people brought into the medical system, the horrific pain-and-death numbers cited in this article are going to escalate. And those numbers equal real human beings.

But don't worry. You're humane to want Obamacare. You'll get a gold star on the blackboard for your sentiments.

Keep sending me your emails expressing those sentiments. I print them and tape them to my wall, right next to the death-and-maiming numbers. It's a nice collection.

Jon Rappoport
The author of an explosive collection, THE MATRIX REVEALED, Jon was a candidate for a US Congressional seat in the 29th District of California. Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, he has worked as an investigative reporter for 30 years, writing articles on politics, medicine, and health for CBS Healthwatch, LA Weekly, Spin Magazine, Stern, and other newspapers and magazines in the US and Europe. Jon has delivered lectures and seminars on global politics, health, logic, and creative power to audiences around the world. You can sign up for his free emails


Jon Rappoport

Use this link to order Jon's Seminar Series

See also:
Questions? Contact us at

Saturday, December 1, 2012


On my website:
(Pictured below)--
I created a blog entry to share the greens taco recipe below, but lost it before I could publish it.  To share my website with you, I included the link above, and also provided links on that blog page, to this one.  

WelcomeAboutContact UsDownloadBLOG


I made the Greens Tacos, and loved them, but I can't wait to make lentil or pea soup or sweet & sour soup and put in greens at the end. I'll experiment. I added taco trimmings to the Greens Tacos, like chopped fresh onion, grated cheese, avocado, chopped tomato and lettuce and salsa, but I also enjoyed them plain. The cream cheese adds just a bit of creamy flavor to offset the tang of greens and red chile seeds. Darigold makes a Mexican sour cream that tastes like cream cheese, and could be substituted, or added w/ toppings. Darigold, like Tillamook Cheese Co. doesn't put Growth Hormones in their milk products. Hormones are growth regulators. We don't need the cancer or our children maturing early at 9 or 10.

This year I planted arugula and rhubarb chard, cilantro and parsley, that are still green and ready to use now that it's December, in Oregon. Next year I want to plant some varieties of kale. It's another 'superfood', and a member of the Brassica family, that supplies nutrients to prevent and heal cancer. Kale is a member of the cabbage family with green or purple leaves, that don't form a head. You can add them to a green smoothie for a burst of energy and chlorophyll and your daily bonus dose of self care.

There is something exciting about picking greens fresh from the earth, and adding their nutrients and chlorophyll to your body. It is said chlorophyll is very similar to the makeup of our blood.

From Marquita Farms website: (I tried to just paste the web address for Greens Tacos, or just a link, but realized the rest of these recipes I collected there wouldn't be here, easily accessible for you to use. Check their website out.) Healthy recipes!

Mariquita Farm
Cooking Greens Recipes
these can include chardkale, mustard greens, turnip greens,
radish greens, beet greens, rapini/raabetc.

Photo from High Ground Organics of their Braising Mix
IDEAS to use yummy, healthy greens waiting for you in your fridge or garden:
1) Make lentil or split pea soup and then add chopped greens at the end of cooking. Also try a chinese style hot and sour soup, or navy bean, etc. This is one of my favorite ways to consume greens.
2) Cook in olive oil with garlic and add a few chile flakes at the end. A great, easy and satisfying side dish.
3) Make #2 and put onto grilled cheese sandwiches or into tacos, with or without cheese
4) Make a frittata with already-cooked greens, or just add to scrambled eggs

Rapini or Broccoli RaabBeets with fresh greens. When cooked the greens retain a slightly beety flavor.Radishes with greens: When they are this fresh they can and should be cooked.Lambs Quarters. Like spinach.Erbette Chard
Greens Tacos
This recipe is one of my favorite breakfast recipes, but of course it would work at any time of day. Please note the amounts given are approximate, I don't measure anything when I make these. You could use more or less of any one of these ingredients. Serves 2-3
3/4 pounds greens, cleaned well and sliced into approximate 1 inch pieces
2 teaspoons cooking oil
2 chopped garlic cloves, or another alium family, whatever you have on hand (onion, green onion, green garlic, leek.....)
Pinch red pepper flakes or cayenne
2 Tablespoons cream cheese
4-6 small corn tortillas or 2-3 larger flour ones
Heat the oil and add the garlic, having the greens ready to go, and cook garlic for about 30 seconds. Then add greens and cook until bright green and wilted, add red pepper (and salt and black pepper if you like). Take off heat and stir in cream cheese. Heat tortillas, divide filling among them. Eat and enjoy.
Quick Greens (less than 10 minutes from start to finish)

Wash any type of greens that can be cooked (kale, radish greens, mustards, chard, spinach, etc.).
Saute with olive oil and garlic until wilted. Transfer to serving platter and add cracked black pepper and a splash of balsamic vinegar. Easy yet delicious!
Donna of Pacific Grove suggests: "Sometimes when I have more greens that I can fix up, I take what greens I have left over, kale, spinach, whatever and sauté them up with onions and garlic, add mushrooms and sliced bell peppers.  I then freeze just the right amount to make a couple of omelets.  I then take the greens out of the freezer even the morning of and heat them up in the microwave, prepare my eggs and put in the greens with some of my favorite cheese and this makes a wonderful healthful way to eat up all those wonderful greens. Something else I do when I have extra greens is do the same mixture of greens, onions, garlic, mushrooms and bell peppers and make a wonderful quiche - 4 eggs beat with 3 cups of fat free cream, salt and pepper to taste and 1 1/2 cups gruyere cheese.  I dice up a little ham and put it in a 9 inch pie plate that I have sprayed with oil, sprinkle the cheese around, spread the greens then pour the eggs on top and bake at 400 degrees for about 50 minutes.  Another way to use up all those wonderful greens.  I have had guests for breakfast and they love the green omelets or green quiche."
Risotto with Greens
No greens will be wasted! If you are not sure how to use your greens, make this for dinner! Double the recipe!
1 small onion, finely chopped
2 T. olive oil
1 c. risotto, uncooked
1/2-3/4 lb. fresh greens, trimmed and torn (Radish greens, kale, chard, mustards, turnip greens, beet greens, etc.)
4 garlic cloves, minced
2 (14-1/2 oz.) cans chicken or vegetable broth
Freshly ground black pepper, to taste
1 c. grated Parmesan cheese, optional
Saute onion in olive oil in a small stock pan. Add risotto and saute until golden. Add greens and garlic; saute until greens are wilted. Stir in broth slowly (one can at a time). Cook, covered, on low heat until most of the liquid is absorbed, stirring occasionally. Add black pepper, stirring well. Add cheese, if desired, and blend well before serving.
Warm Salad of Mustard Greens and Black-Eyed Peas
2 bacon slices, chopped
12 cups torn mustard greens, stems removed (about 12 ounces)
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1/2 cup chopped green onions
2 teaspoons caraway seeds
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 jalapeño pepper, seeded and chopped
1 (16-ounce) can black-eyed peas, rinsed and drained
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
Cook bacon in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat until crisp. Remove bacon from pan, reserving 1 tablespoon drippings in pan; set bacon aside. Add greens; cook 4 minutes or until wilted. Combine greens, salt, and black pepper in a large bowl, set aside. Add oil to pan. Stir in onions, caraway seeds, garlic, and jalapeño; cook 1 minute. Add peas; cook 1 minute. Stir in vinegar, and bring to a boil. Add pea mixture to greens mixture. Sprinkle with reserved bacon.
Yield: 4 servings (serving size: 3/4 cup) CALORIES 168(43% from fat); FAT 8.1g (sat 2.6g,mono 4g,poly 0.9g); PROTEIN 7g; CHOLESTEROL 8mg; CALCIUM 127mg; SODIUM 358mg; FIBER 5.4g; IRON 2.5mg; CARBOHYDRATE 18g
Cooking Light
, OCTOBER 2001
Whole Wheat Blend Rotini with Spicy Turkey Sausage and Mustard Greens
1 (14-ounce) can fat-free, less-sodium chicken broth, divided
4 quarts water
1 (13.5-ounce) package uncooked whole wheat blend rotini (corkscrew pasta)
Cooking spray
1 1/2 cups chopped yellow onion (about 1 large)
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 pound hot turkey Italian sausage
8 ounces bagged prewashed cut mustard greens
1/2 cup half-and-half1/2 cup (2 ounces) grated fresh pecorino Romano cheese
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Place 1/2 cup broth in a small saucepan over medium heat; simmer until reduced to 3 tablespoons (about 6 minutes). Remove from heat.
Combine water and remaining broth in a large Dutch oven. Bring to a boil over high heat; stir in pasta. Cook, uncovered, 10 minutes or until al dente. Drain well; place pasta in a large bowl. Keep warm.
Heat a Dutch oven over medium heat. Coat pan with cooking spray. Add onion; cook 4 minutes or until tender, stirring occasionally. Add garlic; cook 1 minute, stirring constantly. Remove casings from sausage. Add sausage to pan; cook 6 minutes or until browned, stirring to crumble. Stir in greens; cook 2 minutes or until greens wilt. Add reduced broth, half-and-half, and cheese. Cook 4 minutes or until cheese melts and mixture thickens, stirring frequently.
Add sausage mixture to pasta, and sprinkle with salt and freshly ground pepper. Toss well to combine. Serve immediately.
Yield: 8 servings (serving size: 1 1/4 cups pasta mixture)
CALORIES 328(29% from fat); FAT 10.4g (sat 4.3g,mono 3.4g,poly 2.3g); PROTEIN 20.6g; CHOLESTEROL 61mg; CALCIUM 164mg; SODIUM 635mg; FIBER 5.4g; IRON 3.3mg; CARBOHYDRATE 40.7g Cooking Light, MARCH 2006
2 1/4 cups canned low-salt chicken broth or vegetable broth
1 1/2 teaspoons Creole or Cajun seasoning
1 cup converted white rice
2 cups chopped cooking greens
Bring broth and Creole seasoning to boil in heavy large saucepan. Stir in rice and greens and bring to
boil. Reduce heat to low, cover and cook until rice is tender and liquid is absorbed, about 20 minutes.
Serves 4.
Per serving: calories, 204; total fat, 2 g; saturated fat, 0.5 g; cholesterol, 1 mg.
adapted from Bon Appétit
February 1999

a 2 1/2-inch piece smoked kielbasa, sliced thin
1 teaspoon vegetable oil if necessary
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 small onion, sliced thin
1/2 cup lentils, picked over
1 1/2 cups water
1 1/2 cups chicken broth
1/2 small bunch kale, stems and center ribs discarded and leaves sliced thin (about 2 cups)
1 tablespoon balsamic or red-wine vinegar
In a 3-quart heavy saucepan brown sausage over moderate heat and transfer with a slotted spoon to
paper towels to drain. If there is more than 1 teaspoon fat in pan pour off excess; if there is less, add
enough oil to measure 1 teaspoon fat. Cook garlic, stirring, until golden. Add onion and cook,
stirring, until softened.
Add lentils, water, broth, and sausage and simmer, covered, 30 minutes. Add kale and simmer,
uncovered, until tender, 5 to 7 minutes. Stir in vinegar and salt and pepper to taste.
Makes about 3 cups.
November 1994
1/2 cup long-grain unconverted rice
1 small garlic clove, minced
1 tablespoon olive oil
a 14-ounce can plum tomatoes, drained, seeded, and chopped
2 cups finely chopped rinsed kale leaves
In a small heavy saucepan bring 1 cup water to a boil, add the rice and salt to taste, and cook the rice,
covered, over low heat for 20 minutes, or until the liquid is absorbed and the rice is tender. In a
heavy skillet cook the garlic in the oil over moderately low heat, stirring, until it is golden, add the
tomatoes and the kale, and cook the mixture, stirring occasionally, for 3 to 5 minutes, or until the kale
is tender. Fluff the rice with a fork and in a bowl combine well the rice, the kale mixture, and salt and
pepper to taste. Gourmet 1990
1/2 cup coarse bulgur*
2 pounds assorted greens such as kale, collard, escarole, spinach, Swiss chard,
and/or mustard greens
6 large garlic cloves, minced
3 tablespoons olive oil
1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan (about 1 ounce)
6 ounces chilled whole-milk or part-skim mozzarella, grated coarse
For topping
1/2 cup fine fresh bread crumbs
1 tablespoon olive oil
*available at natural foods stores and specialty foods shops
In a heat proof bowl pour enough boiling water over bulgur to cover by 1 inch. Cover bowl with a
plate to trap steam and let stand 20 minutes. Drain bulgur in a large fine sieve, pressing out excess
liquid, and transfer to a bowl.
Keeping each variety of green separate, tear greens into bite-size pieces, discarding stems. Still
keeping greens separate, wash thoroughly by dunking in a sinkfull of water and transfer to a colander
to drain.
Put coarser greens (kale or collard) in a 4 1/2- to 5-quart kettle and steam in water clinging to leaves,
covered, over moderate heat, stirring occasionally, until wilted, about 4 minutes. Add delicate greens
(escarole, spinach, Swiss chard, and/or mustard) to coarse greens and steam, covered, stirring
occasionally, until just wilted, 3 to 4 minutes. Drain greens in colander, pressing out excess liquid.
In a large heavy skillet cook garlic in oil over moderate heat, stirring, until softened but not golden.
Stir in greens and bulgur and season generously with salt and pepper. Stir in Parmesan and remove
skillet from heat.
Preheat oven to 400¡F. and lightly oil a 1 1/2-quart gratin dish or other shallow baking dish.
Spread half of greens mixture in dish and sprinkle evenly with mozzarella. Spread remaining greens
mixture over mozzarella and smooth top with a rubber spatula. Gratin may be prepared up to this
point 8 hours ahead and chilled, covered.
Make topping:
In a small bowl with a fork stir together bread crumbs and oil until crumbs are evenly moistened.
Sprinkle topping over greens mixture and bake in middle of oven 30 minutes, or until bubbling and
top is browned lightly.
September 1995
Kale recipes at Epicurious: (search for Kale)
Greens and Ricotta Pie
1 lg head Swiss chard (or other greens) about 1&3/4 pounds
1 Tablespoon olive oil
1 bunch green onions, sliced 1/4 inch thick
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper
4 large eggs
1 container (15 oz) part skim ricotta cheese
3/4 cup low fat milk
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
2 tablespoons cornstarch
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease 9&1/2-inch deep dish glass pie plate. Trim off two inches from swiss chard stems, discard ends. Seperate stems from leaves, thinly slice stems and coarsly chop leaves.
In nonstick 12-inch skiller, heat oil until hot. Add sliced stems and cook 4 minutes or until tender, stirring frequently. Add green onions, salt, and pepper and cook 1 min. Gradually add chopped leaves until wilted and excess moisture evaporates, about 5 min. In a large bowl, with wire whisk or fork, mix eggs, ricotta, milk, parmesan and cornstarch. Stir in swill-chard mixture.
Transfer mixture to pie plate. Bake pie 40 minutes or until knife inserted 2 inches from center comes out clean. 6 main dish servings.
This was probably from "Health" or "In Health" magazine.
Michelle LaFever
African Pineapple Peanut Stewadapted from the Moosewood Restaurant Cooks at Home
1 cup chopped onions
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 T vegetable or olive oil
1 bunch chard or kale (4 cups sliced)
2 cups undrained canned crushed pineapple
1/2 cup peanut butter 1 T tabasco or hot pepper sauce
1/2 cup cilantro, chopped
Saute onions and garlic in a saucepan in oil for 10 minutes until lightly browned. Slice greens into 1-inch thick slices. Add pineapple and its juice to onions and bring to a simmer. Stir in greens and simmer for 5 more minutes. Mix in peanut butter, tabasco, cilantro and salt and simmer for 5 more minutes. Server over couscous.
Corn Bread Stuffing with Greens from Chez Panisse Vegetables by A. Waters
1 recipe corn bread (see below)
1 bunch greens (chard, kale, etc.)1/2 to 3/4 of a pound
olive oil
1 small onion
2 cloves garlic
1/2 pound bacon or smoked sausage (vegetarians can substitute celery)
1 sprig thyme
a few sage leaves
a few sprigs parsley
1 egg
1/4 cup milk
S & P
Crumble the corn bread into a large mixing bowl.
Wash and trim the greens, chip roughly, and cook until tender in a little olive oil. Peel and the dice the onion. Peel and chop the garlic. Dice the bacon (if using sausage or celery, cut it into chunks) and sautŽ it in a tablespoon of olive oil. When it has begun to render its fat,add the onion and cook until softened, but not too brown, about 2 to 3 minutes. Add the garlic, stirring quickly to prevent it from burning. Remove from the heat and add to the corn bread. Finely chop the leaves of the thyme and sage; there should be about 1/2 teaspoon each.
Finely chop enough parsley to make about 2 teaspoons. Add the herbs; the cooked greens; the egg, lightly beaten; and the milk to the bowl with the corn bread. Mix well. Add more milk if the mixture looks too dry. Season with S & P. Makes 4 cups, enough for 2 chickens.
Alice's corn bread (you can use any recipe you have)
3/4 cup flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/4 cup cornmeal
1/4 pound butter (1 stick) plus more, for greasing the pan
1 cup milk
1 egg
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Place a 9 inch cast iron skillet in the oven from the start of preheating.
In a large bowl, thoroughly combine the flower, baking powder, sugar, salt and cornmeal. Put the butter and milk in a small saucepan and heat until the butter is melted.
Break the egg into another bowl, beat lightly, and whisk in the milk and butter. Make a well in the flower mixture, pour in the liquid ingredients and stir until just smooth.
Take the skillet out of the oven, put in a lump of butter, and swirl it around to coat the pan. Pour in the batter. Bake for 25 minutes, or until a toothpick or skewer inserted in the corn bread comes out clean.

Questions? Contact us at

Monday, October 29, 2012

Thoughts on Grief and Interpersonal Violence

Thoughts on Grief and Interpersonal Violence

Domestic Violence Stats & Warning Signs

Today while eating supper, I watched several videos about people who needed to overcome unresolved grief. One show of Dr. Phil's was called 'Twisted Grief'. He said that some people think they should grieve a long time, to show the depth of their love for the person they lost.  His guests' lives had been impacted by an accident, and the death of a loved one that happened in front of them. Both events were not controllable. Statements made were about the children and families that are watching their loved ones suffer now, doing the grieving, and how these grieving people are not there in a normal capacity to give their loved ones their full presence or attention. Loved ones know something is wrong, and may be feeling powerless to effect change.

Dr. Phil suggested that since the family of a 7 yr. old boy killed in a car accident with a 16 yr. old girl driving had forgiven her, it would be insulting to them, and not honoring the legacy of the little boy, to continue to blame herself and not move on.

 Our loved ones would not want us to ruin our own lives by hanging onto their loss, as if their legacy is centered on sorrow and scarred lives. We lose happiness and precious days of our own lives, in grieving for an inappropriate time. It is up to us to determine where we are, and when we're ready to look up. Many times, the financial and personal 'train wreck' after our withdrawal or subdued interaction with life, waits to then be addressed, also.

On the other hand, we can be stuck, unable to feel emotion, if we don't have the skills or if we do not give ourselves permission to grieve. Some of us think we are being strong, in not being honest with how we feel, or because the burdens placed on our shoulders make us feel like we would be disloyal to those left behind and our responsibilities. In cases like these, we carry the blunted emotions (energy in motion) around in our bodies, our very cells, and we're like a foggy rain forest for an extended period of time. This type of grief can be physically costly. Often we are not paying enough attention to keeping ourselves hydrated, or eating well, exercising or getting sun. We may have withdrawn socially, which doesn't allow for healthy diversions, injections of different aspects of reality and life, and withdrawal concentrates our energy around us, making us unaware of the needs of others.

Medications can often only extend, complicate and add to the resistance to enter our own personal grieving process. We certainly don't need increased toxicity, side effects like an increased likelihood of suicide and/or homicide to add to the landscape. There is no 7-11 approach to heal our hearts. It not only takes time, but what we choose to do in that time can be crucial to healing.

My viewing went on to watch families impacted by the loss of a daughter and then a mother in another situation, stemming from interpersonal violence. I heard that one in three (1 in 3) women will experience violence in a relationship in their lives. It is not always safe to leave a bad relationship, until the timing is right, as exits are the most dangerous. Also, if someone has been choked, it is a lethal act, and predicts more heavily that they may be killed in the relationship. Many women who thought they knew their partner, unhappily learned and experienced unknown violent, controlling dimensions of them. The disbelief of ones' beloved suddenly turning on and harming them, dismantling ones hopes and dreams, can be taken as one's fault, or something that can be changed or controlled. It can be too easy to have loyalty to the relationship, or the other person, instead of ourselves and the well being of our children. Sometimes all we can control is taking charge of taking care of ourselves.

A daughter was found beaten to death on her college dorm bed. A mother who went to let her daughter's ex-boyfriend in her daughter's apartment so he could get the rest of his belongings, was beaten and burned so badly, the brain damage and broken bones in her face, etc. will probably never allow this family to have her fully back again. Another mother spoke about her daughter who had been stabbed to death.

No one has permission to harm another in any way. Below are two charts of Relationship Patterns-both Violent and Non-Violent, and what some aspects look like. These are for you to download for personal use, or for someone you love. Next posting, I'll download types of Verbal Abuse, in a chart that might be helpful.

It's important for those practicing power and control in domestic violence to get the help they need. Possible factors include modeling from their own childhoods of unequal parental relationships, a lack of communication, problem solving or social and negotiation skills, unresolved child physical and/or sexual abuse, nutrient depletion, disease and/or parasitic infections. The cultural causation of gender roles, acceptance of the myth of unequal value and male entitlement can play a part in IPV, but has not been proven to be the main or lasting cause.

A friend of mine once withdrew her restraining order or wanted to modify it, saying that her husband would lose everything-his job with a record of a felony, his home and possessions. She was hoping for help from counseling. If they slip back into the same patterns, she is the one who will lose everything: her life. From her comments later, I could tell the daily all-consuming threat of safety that had become her norm, was still there to wear her remaining health down.

Women often give excuses for the behavior of their mates, hoping that they will change. They rationalize, minimize, deny and wait out behaviors, often at their own emotional and mental stability and health, and many times, their physical health. A past female acquaintance related being thrown down on the cement. Her hip will never be the same.

To balance the above information out with options for help, I'm including Kim Cooper's Youtube video about Getting Help for Narcissists here, also. You cannot do this alone, if you choose to stay, or stay longer. Boundaries have to be set and kept, and social support is critical. My best to you on your search for answers.

The chart at the top is from's website, where a mother and sister were determined to take their loss and contribute to preventing IPV from taking place, or give women the tools to recognize and escape it.

The chart below is about Controlling Behaviors. Many of these can be normal behavior, but it is the intent with which they are used.

  Sweet Street Luscious Lemon Squares - Cakes, Pies & Cookies (Google Affiliate Ad)

Questions? Contact us at

Grief, grieving, domestic violence, abuse, physical abuse, interpersonal violence, narcissism, narcissist, verbal abuse,